Sunday, March 30, 2008


I try to avoid the dreaded scale, but since I have been trying to shed a few pounds, I have one in my bathroom. I try to weigh myself after I get up in the morning, and after I pee. I call it my dry weight. LOL. It was taunting me anyhow...I swear its broken. Why won't it budge? Today for some reason, I didn't put the scale away.

After lunch, I hear Willard yell, "Excuse me, Mom? Can you please come here?" I start walking from the kitchen to the bathroom, and Willard runs right into me, apparently really excited!

He promptly shakes his head from the impact, turns around and runs back to the bathroom.

I watch him step onto the scale. He looks up at me in amazement and says..."Look Mom! I'm full of pounds!"

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I survived.

No traitorous armpits tonight. Just in case you were wondering.

Things Found in my Gym Bag.

I cleaned it out my Hot Pink Gym Bag today, so I could go back to Yoga tonight. There is no real relation between going to Yoga, and cleaning out my bag, but that is what I need to tell myself. Why Hot Pink? 'Cause I am usually surrounded by Blue that's why.

I take out my workout clothes after I get home each time, but it needed a deep down cleaning. I needed to get to the bottom. Here is what I found:

1. My gym shoes. They are gray and pink. They provide no ankle support whatsoever. They were cheap. They have little tread. I didn't smell them, since my oldest son doesn't yet know how to dial 911.

2. A paper on a yoga warmup from one of the gym trainers to do before lifting. I am learning how to lift weights and do cleans. Cleans are hard, interesting, and could cause a blowout. I try not to dwell on the blowout part.

3. A list of names if I need to call to see if they can fill in for me if I have to call in sick. Try to say that one 3 times fast.

4. A receipt for a hair cut my husband got the same day I had to fix mine. I don't have a clue how that got there. I am trying to forget that whole mess.

5. Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap. The Y is one of the few places I get to shower in peace, without the boys screaming at me, or the water running cold. Sometimes I do have to listen to older women talking loudly about their mammograms...but I can live with that. As long as there is a towel to stand on.

6. Shaver. El Cheapo. Dull. Hate using. If I forget to shave at home, I have to use it there. If someone is THAT close to my armpits, they should be slapped. Since we know how traitorous they can be.

7. 2 full bottles of water.

8. 1 empty bottle of water. I guess this is as close to a box as I get this time. I do re-use them.

9. A hairband I have never used in public. I look like a dork, banded with blue dorkness.

10. 1 dime. Shiny. 2000. I would condition. I dont know where I will invest it though. Probably a city parking meter.

11. A coupon for Rayovac batteries. ???

12. A schedule for a local yoga studio. They have HOT YOGA there. Hot Yoga is where you do yoga in a hot room. Though, that would mean sweating in close proximity to others. Maybe not. Maybe I will try the Burlesque Booty Burn class...or maybe the Samba class?

13. Gray string from the zipper of my makeup bag. It must have wanted a change of scenery.

14. MP3 Player and ear things.

15. 5 pony tail holders, which I can't really use effectively since...well, you know.

16. A little dirt. Probably from the bottom of my shoes.

Not bad. Not bad at all. No fingernail clippings. No underwear. No food. My husband would be so proud.

Question of the Day.

If quitters never win, why are you supposed to quit when you are ahead?

(I got this from a movie I watched!)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Note to Dancing with the Stars.

Dear Dancing with the Stars,

(More specifically, the color uncoordinated Costume Designers,)

The costume construction is fantastic. I look forward to watching the show each week. However, I expect the colors of the dancers' costumes to match their partner! IS THAT SO HARD? I have been watching DWTS since the beginning... WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN? I noticed you match white with white and black with black, but for Pete's sake people...MATCH THE COLORS!

If you hear...the colors for this outfit are going to be blue...don't just grab the closest BLUE! Buy enough fabric that MATCHES so that they don't look distracting out on the dance floor. You are professionals!

Until then, I will have to watch it in black and white.

Thank you.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Arm Pits.

**Some people may not find this very funny at all. Read at your own risk.

I haven't been to Thursday night Power Yoga. I miss it. So, why haven't I been going? Well. The real reason is because My Sweet and Loving Husband is home and my schedule is messed up. I have been to the gym, but I keep missing the class! The deeper question is...why am I missing Yoga Class on a subconscious level? After all...why not explore the depths of my psyche for all the world to read (or three people)?

I don't have many fears. Death...nah...Spiders...maybe. Farting in public...Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! It must be the most humiliating thing I could do to myself. Remember when I farted in front of Bobby??? I almost died!

I have a fear of doing this. Generally, I find farting funny, but not when I do it in public. I even wish I had a more pleasant word to use other than fart...but I haven't found one that is right. That word itself makes me cringe and smile at the same time. The technical term is just not right...flatulence? Growing up a tomboy with a bunch of boy cousins... I have heard my fair share of phrases:

Barking Spiders
Mouse on a Harley
Floating an Air Biscuit
Thunder from Down Under
Stepping on the Duck
Chanel #2
Cut the Cheese

Oh, I could go on.

Guess what happened in Yoga Class a couple weeks ago? We were doing a great twist and a bind. My left hand was supposed to reach around and grab my right hand behind me. The class was going great. And then it happened.

It was loud. It was very embarrassing. My ARM PIT farted. OH MY. And it wasn't even a real fart! I tried to laugh it off...but I could only think of how many people were wondering why I had the nerve to fart in class! I wish I could have just yelled: IT WAS MY ARMPIT! But I was too stunned to even speak.

I remember my younger days...using my armpits as musical instruments. It was harmless fun. I never knew that I had prepared and primed my armpit to humiliate me 20 years later.

I have to go back to Power Yoga. I really enjoy that particular Yoga class. And it wasn't a real fart. I know. But what if someone remembers??? When will I go back? Do I wait a month, and hopefully everyone forgets? Because, in all reality, I don't think I will forget any time soon. EVER. Traitorous armpit. Do I suck it up and go back this week? Probably. But will I be able to concentrate? What if it happens again? What if a real one sneaks up on me and I have to move out of the state...

I'll let you know!

Maynard prays.

And it sounds really cute and funny. He tries to copy Willard. SO CUTE!

Here is what it sounds like:

Hah Wahder, Danedue Dedus Dins. Danedue Dahee, Mahma, bwoder, me. Foo. Uhdandeen. Dedus Naa, Ameh.

(He calls Willard, Brother, and he usually throws food in there.)

Here is what Willard generally says (Maynard's words are in bold):

Heavenly Father, Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. Thank you for Daddy, Momma, Maynard and me. And for spiritual understanding. In Jesus' name, Amen.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Boxes and a Hidden Willardism.

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!

So I thought I would expand on the box issue...since it really has been bothering me since I found the box under the bed. I find it quite humorous, yet strange.

I save boxes. I don't know why. Most of the boxes actually contain the original item that I bought. Maybe I am just anal? Maybe I am weird...ok, I know I am weird. Maybe I am a bit OCD? I generally keep these boxes in their proper places. Closets, Shelves, etc...but I did look around to see what boxes I was keeping.

My husband made a corner shelf for his new pore magnifying television he got in December. He needed a woodworking tool to finish the edges or something. I STILL HAVE THE BOX. (And the bags!)(HAHAHA! We still have the box for the TV in the garage as well because it is a nice piece to lay down on top of the concrete!)

I have the computer box from this very computer sitting in the garage. Our computer is 4 years old.

I do keep shoe boxes, but that is because they are so darn handy!

But there is more.

About 6 years ago, I also bought a "hair dryer" (I call it a blow dryer. Someone corrected me, but I still can't get over it.). I never really used it. I STILL HAVE THE BOX. And the bag it gets wrapped in. And NOW, since I have a "current" hair 'do...I HAVE to blow dry my hair after I take a shower. And yes, I put it back in the bag, back in the box. (WEIRD?) I still haven't figured out the volumizer attachment.

And while I am on this subject...There are 3 things I don't like doing with my hair. In no particular order:

1. Blow "Hair" drying.
2. Curling/Flattening/Fixing "Styling" (correction).
3. Using Hair Spray/Mousse/Gel "Product" (another correction).

And guess what? I HAVE TO DO ALL THREE NOW. What a nice punishment for trying to cut my own hair. That means I also have to look at my ever graying hair too. Nice. I still have to post a picture of it, don't I? Bleh...I am still getting used to it.

Ok...where was I?


In the winter of 1999, right while we moved to South Dakota, I bought a keyboard, since I enjoy playing the piano, but I can't really play. I won't even tell Randy how much I paid for it. I had it out recently (ok, it was in the fall!), since the boys were interested in it. I STILL HAVE THE BOX. With the styrofoam. And the keyboard stand box too. So, since it was collecting dust again...I put it away today.

I have a set of Steam set hot curlers or something like that...Aqua Curl. They come in a container, that you put water in the bottom, plug it in, and the curlers have wax in them and the wax heats up, the water evaporates and penetrates the velvet wrapped curlers and all of that helps curl your hair. I got these in High School. I have used them probably a dozen times...I STILL HAVE THE BOX!

More Boxes:

External Hard Drive

Wireless Router

Wireless Adapter


Foot Massager/Bubble Bath (Yes, I put it back in the bag, back in the box)

Hand Held Steamer (Don't use that one often Heck...the last time I even IRONED was when I ironed ribbon for gifts I was making in December! Still in the bag though!)

Cell Phone

Candles (I don't really burn them anymore. I have two boys. They never stay lit!)

Toothpaste (Yes, this one is odd, but I like reading about the toothpaste...a snippet from the back..."most other toothpastes contain gritty abrasives: sand, bone and chalk that can damage teeth by..." ...brightens and cleans without harming ... " ...has incorporated this nonabrasive fiber into a remarkably effective..." OK I just threw it away. But it contains no saccharin...whatever that is. And it's cinnamon flavored, and every once in a while I like to change things up!)

Food Processor (I found out tonight that you can cut up beef in chunks, and put it in there, and pulse it until it makes ground beef! That is so cool. No more 6 bucks a lb. for ground beef! YAY! I thought I needed a special tool! I made Sloppy Jews. Well, that is what Willard called them, until I corrected him (after I giggled a bit, cause it was so darn funny!). Sorry for the slur, and for anyone who might have been offended or may come across this in a google search...but he is only 4...And I did correct him--they are Sloppy JOES!!) (OH...and we do talk about Jews and Gentiles and the that is probably where he got that from!)

Sweater Making Machine

Diapers (I actually use these boxes for all kinds of things, mostly toys, books, donations and such.)

Make-Up (I started to wear mascara and lip gloss since it adds a little life, but I had to buy new stuff since all of my stuff was older than I want to admit. I recently picked up some loose powder and pressed powder. The jury is still out on whether I will use them on a regular basis. I have to learn how to do this step efficiently.)

Why do I save boxes? Who knows. Do I care? Well...Yes, a little...since I might possibly have attachment issues. But the bigger question is...when will I stop?

I can't answer that either.

I don't really feel better about it. In fact, it makes me a bit perplexed. I better go, I have to be up early tomorrow to fix style my hair.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Things Found Under the Bed.

We have mattresses that are warranteed. If something isn't the way it should be, I just get a new one.

In the fall of 2006, (Ok, so maybe I procrastinated a little...) I called the company here in town, and they came out to the house, and inspected our box spring. It was squeaking! So, they said to bring that one in and we can get a replacement.

Well, I had every intention on doing it last summer....LOL, yes, the summer of 2007, cause we had a cute little GMC Sierra, and it was so fun. Well, it literally BURNED UP on the side of the road one day, while Randy was driving it, and we had no truck. We got another truck a couple months later, but by then, it was too darn cold (read, I was too lazy) to do anything about it.

I got a wild hair again today...I called the place...asked if they still had the boxspring. Yep...But by this time I had no clue where the bag was that the inspector gave me to wrap it in. I ran up there, grabbed a bag, came home, had Willard help me with his little wagon (One of the best garage sale finds ever...50 cents...that wagon...and an identical one I got for Maynard for 1.00 at another one) by putting his end in it and using it as a dolly. We got it into the back of the truck, took it there, exchanged it, got the new one home, unloaded it, and now it rests (at almost midnight) on its side, in our room.

I am attempting to rearrange my room...funny. I have to clean under the bed. I didn't find too many odd things there, but I thought I might share.

1. 3 Sweater Boxes...with sweaters I have never worn. Mostly wool.
2. A reusable baby wipe. They are the handiest things...handmade. As a gift when we had Maynard.
3. Used Kleenex. Eww.
4. Sweater making machine, that I haven't quite figured out yet.
5. A Washer. I am not sure what bolt it came from.
6. Dust Bunnies. Must be gathering for spring.
7. Hole punch confetti...Still wondering how those got there.
8. A missing piece to a really cool magnetic car of the boys'.
9. The box to my external hard drive. (A bad habit. I do save boxes, but I am getting better!)
10. A lid to a plastic shoe box.
11. A piece of wood. Maybe a 1/4" x 6" x 8". No clue where that came from either!
12. The book: Freight Train, by Donald of the boys' favorites!

Well, I am off. To put the bed together that is. Wish me luck.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

18436572...MORE Randomness from a Lazy Day.

I am still in my jammies. Thought of this...had to share.


Do you know what that is? It is the firing order for a Chevy small block. I recite it in my sleep sometimes...well...not really. But it did kind of impress a certain hunk I met almost 10 years ago...and now he is my husband!

I had to know it when I was younger. It was the magic number. I loved to help my dad with mechanical stuff, and my dad was always working on one thing or another. He decided that it would be the number I needed to memorize in order for me to get things, just for fun!

Like...Dad, can I have some ice cream? What's the magic number? Or, Dad, can I take the car to town? What's the magic number? (Of course I would use please as well...)

I also had to sing songs to get things too:

Oh, My Darling Clementine
From a Jack to a King
Mares eat Oats
King of the Road
Bicycle Built for Two

...and that is just a short compilation.

I sometimes had to say..Yes, Sir, Daddy, Sir!

At the time I thought it all of it was fun, but it had its moments of pure horror, like in front of company. But just thinking about the funny stuff I'd have to do brings back great memories. I love my Dad for doing that though. Thanks Dad!


I am relaxing today. It is after 3pm and I am still in my jammies. I am eating black bean enchiladas, and looking at funny sites...

And then I remembered that I can see who came to my blog via google search..there aren't alot...but...

Here are a couple that seem benign enough:

"my new do" ...very benign...after all I did just get my hair cut a week ago.

"boys hair clippers" ...ok, good...did you see the boy's new 'dos by the way?

So, that is cool...people google lots of things!

But...these two:

"crapped my pants" UM...


"made my husband girlie".............................?

I just had to laugh.

Although there was one time, where, for Halloween, MANY, MANY years ago...I did help my husband with just that. And I have proof. With pictures. But I wont show them...yet anyhow.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

These two...

They are a handful.
They got new haircuts today.
They are too cute.
They are making that face because of the tickle monster.


The tiniest things...

Imagine it is a beautiful Spring day. A rain storm just passed over, and off in the distance you see the remnants of the storm. You keep staring and suddenly there is a ray of light coming out of the clouds, illuminating the air. Beautiful sight. Have you ever seen that same effect when a curtain is opened slightly and the sun is beaming in through the little crack? Sometimes, if it's in the afternoon, and the sun is beating on the same spot on the floor, I want to lay down on it like a cat, bellyup, not a care in the world. Ahhhh....OK, back to reality.

The two boys are constantly fighting over the tiniest things, mostly toys. I never thought that it would be something as funny as this. This morning, before we took off for the day, our boys were in the livingroom. I was on the phone with my loving husband, and I started to hear yelling and screaming from the livingroom.

I walk in the livingroom loudly (well, loudly with my voice HA! "What's going on?!"), they both look up at me...I look at them and am confused, since they were both playing with nothing. Though, there was a beautiful stream of sun coming in the room from the crack in the curtain. Ahhhhh....

I turn around to leave the room, and they start fighting again. (No, I want to! No, It's my turn!) What in the world?

So I ask, "What are you two fighting over?"

I look over, and they are shoving each other. I walk up to them, and ask, "What seems to be the problem?"

Willard and Maynard both look at me funny again. Then Willard says, "But Mom, it's my turn to play with the dust!"

I about peed.

My boys were fighting over dust. Yes. Dust. They figured out that when the sun shines in, and they get on the furniture, little pieces of dust fly up and you can see them in the sunlight!

And since they truly do fight over the tiniest things, it was inevitable that this would happen!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Another One...

Today, the boys and I got to watch a train go by. With a straight face, Willard looks at me and said,

"Mom, seeing that train, makes me hungry for toast."

I about split my side.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Willardism of the night.

You may need to read this first.

"Last day, I saw something STICKING UP...It was a pony nail, so I BIT it off!"

I said..."Really?"

He said, "It's OK, it means everyone gets pony nails."

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I don't have a license... cut hair that is.

I wanted a clipper set. So, my loving husband bought me a shiny new clipper set a few months ago (I am practical!). It has many guards and I can cut the boys' hair pretty good. They don't complain, (yet!) cause they dont know the difference! And the cool thing about this hair cutting also comes with scissors and little alligator clips.

I am not afraid of scissors. I found that trimming my own hair has saved me lots of money in the past. I consider myself a pretty capable individual. I like trying new things! So why was I drawn to the scissors this week?

At MOPS on Tuesday, we had a spa day. I painted my fingernails (been over 5 years!), got a foot, hand and back massage, AND I got my hair styled. The stylist who was doing the demonstration recommended layers for me, since I have fine hair and it would give me more body. She showed me how to do beachy-waves...very cute. Even cuter if you have layers and long hair.

After mulling the thought over a couple days, I got a wild hair Thursday. I had a very nice view in my mind of what I wanted my hair to look like. Kind of like when you see a nice landscape, you just want to paint it. On a big canvas. Like Bob Ross...happy little trees.

Layers. How hard could layers be anyway? Heck, I've trimmed my hair tons of times...And, I really needed a cut anyhow. I even have sharp scissors and those little alligator clips to keep my hair sectioned.

Did I ever mention I can't paint. I read Ree's Blog the other day, about how she can't paint. I can totally sympathize with her. She longs to do it, but knows she can't. I, too, have to accept the fact that I will never be a painter. Unless its paint by numbers. Maybe.

Where was I. Oh yeah...The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I mean...well, South Dakota, and Scissors...although there are some people who can carve wood with a chainsaw and they do fantastic work...but that would involve trees and I have already established I can't paint. And I have yet to operate a chainsaw. I will move on before I get anymore thoughts or wild hairs.

Oh My.

I have to realize and accept that I have no formal training on cutting hair. I am not a stylist, and I should not be experimenting with scissors. It's a good thing I didn't pay myself in advance. I made a few mistakes. If you just googled "How to cut layers" and you are thinking about doing it yourself...don't. Get professional help. Just take my advice. Back away from the scissors.

My first mistake was even thinking of cutting layers in my hair, and then my next mistake was continuing to attempt to fix what I had done. Funny thing is, you are supposed to start at the top and work your way down. What was I thinking? I have had LONG hair. It was nice. My husband likes liked my hair. My new 'do didn't seem that bad until I washed it, and then tried to style/curl it, with beachy-waves.

Thankfully, I could still pull it into a ponytail. I couldn't do anything else with it until I had a sitter and could humble myself enough to go have someone try to salvage it. TRY.

My sweet and loving husband came home Friday...(home for the weekend-YAY!) and he was not impressed to say the least. He has always liked long hair, and I had slaughtered mine. So, today we both went in for a cut...He needed his done, and believe me, I've tried to cut his, but it just isn't as fast or as nice or as even as when they do it. (I am sticking to the boys' hair only!)

My stud looks HOT with his trimmed up, clean cut style. Since the boys were asleep in the van, he came out and sat in the van while it was my turn. The sweet, unsuspecting stylist (not the one from the spa day) didn't quite know what she was in for, since my hair was still in a ponytail.

I explained my "situation" and then took the ponytail out of my hair. She walked around it a bit. Walked around the other way. She said, "I think I can blend it, but we might have to cut a bit more off." I told her that as long as it didn't look the way it did, I was going to have to deal with it. I also explained that I needed it in a pony, if possible, and she assured me that she would try her best.

Now, blending is kinda like layering, but with more little layers, sorta. I have no clue. I just watched her. She kinda had an Edward Scissorhands frenzy about her. (Although she was not pale, a dude, and he didn't have curly black hair. She was a cute little thing!) Spray, comb, snip, snip....spray....comb. Snip, comb, snip....I tried to just find something that would be redeeming about this.

I felt lighter! My hair is definately lighter! (Anything to loose a little weight eh?)

She pointed out a couple holes I had cut in it, but that no one would notice them unless they started combing through it. She did a phenominal job, considering what she had to work with, and I can still get most of it in a pony. She didn't style it, which, I should have had her do it, but we needed to get more errands done. So after some errands, and some odd looks from my darling, I went home and used my new flat iron to attempt to style it. I tried to make it look cute. But in all honesty, the stylist did a great job blending my mess, and I think with a little practice, I could get a cute 'do out of it.

I walked out of the bathroom and my sweet and loving, yet very, very honest husband says...

"It's the worst hair style you've had since we've known each other." (He remembers seeing pictures of the short-short one..his least favorite.) "You are still beautiful (he needs glasses, by the way), but your hair is...............not."

I just have to laugh. If you were to see his face when he said that, you would too. Poor guy. I can live with it, but he only gets to see me a few times a month, and he has to look at my hair. I am so thankful he loves me even though he doesn't like my hair.

If I wasn't having a bad face day (funny, I have those every, I would take a picture of it for you. Maybe later, after I try to style it again. Oh, and there is no photographic record of what it looked like as a disaster. Unless some random stranger whipped out their phone cam and needed proof of what not to do to your hair.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

One of My Most Embarrassing Moments.

I thought I would embarrass myself all over again...for 3 people to I hope this makes you smile a bit.

All through Elementary and Grade School, heck, even into High School, I had a crush on Bobby. That is his real name. (Keeping it real.) His dad worked/works (can't remember) with my dad, so it was kind of easy to have a crush on him. He also had a cute younger brother named Nicky. Every time my dad mentioned his dad's name, I would start daydreaming about the time in Elementary School (Kindergarten or 1st Grade) when it was one of the first few days of school and it was recess, and for some reason Bobby grabbed MY hand and walked with me out to the playground. As soon as we got outside and he saw his friends, he took off, but I tell you what, I really liked that kid. Even when he and his friends would go around "shifting" their privates from first gear to second gear to third gear...weird, but, they were boys, and boys do things like that.

So, it may have been the same year, but we were in the same reading class. Technically, I think we were in the same real class, but it's kinda foggy, since it was over 15 years ago. But I remember this particular moment as if it were yesterday.

We were all seated in a half circle, and I was almost across from Bobby. I believe I had just read out loud, or had just recently. I was a ball of nerves as it was and I was watching Bobby read out loud. And then, I farted. Loud.

I dont know why I did. It slipped! But I was mortified, cause EVERYONE heard it. But worse yet, Bobby heard it too. And he looked up from his book, but continued reading out loud. I blurted out...Excuse Me! But my reading teacher just glared at me! I was so embarrassed.

I avoided him at all costs after that. I don't even know if he knew I had a crush on him. Well, I did. And he and his brother eventually dropped the y's from their name and went by Bob and Nick.

I had another somewhat embarrassing moment with his younger brother a few years later. I was having a sleep over with my friend Misty from school, and one of my cousins. Guess who came over to visit my dad? Nicky was there, and I don't really remember if Bobby was there or not. Us 3 girls turned my parents little loveseat so that the back of it was facing the kitchen, where they were all talking. We kept peeking over the edge of the couch, trying to get a good view of Nicky without him seeing. But, of course, he saw us every time.

Big dorks!