Monday, March 24, 2008

Arm Pits.

**Some people may not find this very funny at all. Read at your own risk.

I haven't been to Thursday night Power Yoga. I miss it. So, why haven't I been going? Well. The real reason is because My Sweet and Loving Husband is home and my schedule is messed up. I have been to the gym, but I keep missing the class! The deeper question is...why am I missing Yoga Class on a subconscious level? After all...why not explore the depths of my psyche for all the world to read (or three people)?

I don't have many fears. Death...nah...Spiders...maybe. Farting in public...Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! It must be the most humiliating thing I could do to myself. Remember when I farted in front of Bobby??? I almost died!

I have a fear of doing this. Generally, I find farting funny, but not when I do it in public. I even wish I had a more pleasant word to use other than fart...but I haven't found one that is right. That word itself makes me cringe and smile at the same time. The technical term is just not right...flatulence? Growing up a tomboy with a bunch of boy cousins... I have heard my fair share of phrases:

Barking Spiders
Mouse on a Harley
Floating an Air Biscuit
Thunder from Down Under
Stepping on the Duck
Chanel #2
Cut the Cheese

Oh, I could go on.

Guess what happened in Yoga Class a couple weeks ago? We were doing a great twist and a bind. My left hand was supposed to reach around and grab my right hand behind me. The class was going great. And then it happened.

It was loud. It was very embarrassing. My ARM PIT farted. OH MY. And it wasn't even a real fart! I tried to laugh it off...but I could only think of how many people were wondering why I had the nerve to fart in class! I wish I could have just yelled: IT WAS MY ARMPIT! But I was too stunned to even speak.

I remember my younger days...using my armpits as musical instruments. It was harmless fun. I never knew that I had prepared and primed my armpit to humiliate me 20 years later.

I have to go back to Power Yoga. I really enjoy that particular Yoga class. And it wasn't a real fart. I know. But what if someone remembers??? When will I go back? Do I wait a month, and hopefully everyone forgets? Because, in all reality, I don't think I will forget any time soon. EVER. Traitorous armpit. Do I suck it up and go back this week? Probably. But will I be able to concentrate? What if it happens again? What if a real one sneaks up on me and I have to move out of the state...

I'll let you know!

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